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Unabridged Episode 21: Laurie Frankel's This is How it Always is

5/23/2018

Quick Summary: This episode is about This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel. Parents Rosie and Penn struggle with balancing the needs of their five children, navigating their inclination both to support and to protect their youngest child who is exploring gender identity. This is the story of a family who is doing their best, despite all of the uncertainty, to help themselves navigate their way in the world.

My Take: I absolutely loved this tender depiction of a family of seven as they worked to navigate their way through the world together. Frankel's depiction of Claude's journey as he transitioned into Poppy was powerful and compassionate, and Frankel never suggested that Rosie and Penn knew the way forward or had all the answers, but she instead revealed the daily pathway they all took toward a better, truer life for themselves and all of their children.
My conclusion: This book was a clear winner for me. While I did not fly through it, the prose was elegant and whimsical, and I was swept away by the characters and their journey. I so appreciated Frankel's portrayal of parenting and how hard it is to know the right thing to do, and I loved her honest, raw depiction of what transitioning can be like for a transgender child who is aware from early childhood that she is a girl. 5/5 stars.
Favorite Quotes:

"You only guess. This is how it always is. You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands, who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future. And if you screw up, if with your incomplete, contradictory information you make the wrong call, well, nothing less than your child’s entire future and happiness is at stake. It’s impossible. It’s heartbreaking. It’s maddening. But there’s no alternative." - This quotation resonated in every part of me. As a mother of young children, I am discovering how fraught daily life is as I constantly make decisions that will alter their lives for better or worse. I love the way Frankel continually shows the perilous situation of parents
[Regarding Claude's transition to Poppy] "The kindergarteners were unfazed. Very little is unalterable as far as five-year-olds are concerned. Very little doesn’t change. One day those squiggly lines in books transmute into words. One day actual pieces of your mouth start falling off. One day your beloved resolves into a kind of ratty stuffed animal, and for the first time in your life, you feel fine about leaving him home. One day, like magic, you can balance on two wheels. That one day you could be a boy and the next become a girl was not out of their dominion." I love the way Frankel highlights the malleability of a child. It truly is remarkable how unsurprising those kinds of things are to children. So often, it's adults who complicate things and make them into issues.

Teaching Tips: This would be a good option for lit circles, but it would be a tough read for a lot of students just because it's long and not fast-paced. However, I just listened to George by Alex Gino, and I LOVED it! It's middle grade and would be a great book for middle school or high school students. It's quick, but it does an amazing job of depicting what transitioning is like and how challenging it can be but also how fulfilling it can be.

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Unabridged Episode 19: Emily X. R. Pan's The Astonishing Color of After

5/10/2018

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The Astonishing Color of After, by Emily X. R. Pan, chronicles the journey of Leigh Chen Sanders as she goes to her mother’s homeland, Taiwan, in order to bring about some resolution for her mother (and herself) after her mother’s suicide. Shortly after her mother’s death, Leigh discovers that her mother has become a beautiful red bird, and she pursues the bird, which takes Leigh on a journey into the collective past of her family.

My Take: This book was stunningly beautiful. I also found it deeply painful to read. For a large portion of the book, I was worried that there was no hope for redemption or peace. The premise makes it clear that there is no hope for Leigh's mom (at least in her bodily form on this earth) as she has already succumbed to suicide as the book opens. However, I was completely captivated, and I found the twists and turns and magical realism that Pan weaves so smoothly into the text to be both compelling and comforting.
My conclusion: This was a stunning novel. Throughout much of the novel, I felt like I couldn't imagine feeling hopeful by the end, but it is remarkably uplifting considering the heavy content and premise. It was captivating, eloquent, and artistic. In short, I loved it. I was teary throughout much of it, but I found it cathartic and hopeful. Well done, Ms. Pan. I look forward to more works by this talented author. 5/5 stars.
Favorite Quotes: The memorable, gorgeous quotes are endless. I was taking photos of pages to capture the passages, and I truly felt that I could have photographed every page. I cannot believe this is Pan's first novel! Here are a few of the ones I loved.

This is the mother I want to remember. This joy. The way her glow filled a room. Her playfulness, her love of good food, her bright and bouncing laughter. [...] I stand there with my feet rooted into the carpet of that memory, watching until my ribs crunch together and pulverize my heart and send the heat of my missing everywhere. The grief spills out of me sepia dark. - In one of Pan's many brilliant artistic choices, she makes it possible for Leigh to relive memories, even ones that don't belong to her. Leigh is able to rediscover powerful components of the past that help her better understand the present and future. Pan captures the essence of grief with a clarity that's frighteningly accurate for those who've experienced it firsthand.
I would always remember my fourteenth birthday with perfect clarity, because it was one of the first times I realized that there might be something truly wrong with my mother. She cared that it was my birthday, but it wasn't enough to blow aside the storm. In the shadowy master bedroom, with lights off and curtains drawn, she spiraled all the way down. Her body was silent, but her darkness was louder than anything. Our home shrank to the size of a dollhouse, and the walls pressed up against me so that I couldn't breathe or speak or hear anything but her despair. - Pan depicts the ins and outs of depression and the way it can affect a whole family. She also captures what that experience is like for a teenager only beginning to understand the profound circumference of its shadow.
"They blame me. They think if I never come to America, if I never meet you, Jingling would be alive. Why everything always my fault? Maybe I blame them. They ate lunch with her the day she died. They should see how sick she was. Why everything my fault? Why not their fault? They will never meet Leigh. They will never hurt her like they hurt me." - Through Leigh's journey to Taiwan and the memories that she discovers, she learns about the way that family members can impact each other throughout generations and can shape each other's lives. I so loved Leigh's discovery of Waipo and Waigong and their histories, and I love how that expanded and enriched her view of the world -- even though they were two people who had caused her mother tremendous pain.

What I added to my TBR list: I'd read both of the other recommendations, Toni Morrison's Beloved and Laurie Halse Anderson's The Impossible Knife of Memory, but I love both passionately and wanted to mention here how great both of those reads are.
Teaching Tips: This novel would be a great choice for lit circles, and it would work well with other works about grief, coping with loss, family dynamics, cross-cultural families, and second generation Americans.

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